Sacopapa reporting for duty. Yes, it's been a while and shit is no different around my house. This past weekend the Water Heater took a shit. You will love this fucked up story. The pilot had shut off while Queen Sheba was taking a bath. I know all you guys have heard it " Babe!! There is no Hot Water!!" So I walk in the bathroom and she is giving me the Jedi stare, I immediately hit the deck thinking she is going to strike me down with a fucking Lightsaber.
She started to talk and all I heard was " There is no Hot water". The the rest of the conversation went to a Charlie Brown mumble, "Muaw, muaw, muawmuaw" "Blah, blah blah". I rolled my eyes and walked out, I think I flipped her off when I walked out of the bathroom. I Obviously flipped her off behind her back or I'll have no pussy for a least a whole month.
Round One: I went into the garage and see that the pilot is off. Saco to the rescue! I tried to start the pilot at least 5 times with no luck. so I called the number on the tank. The call center is in India, " fuck me!". I don't need to tell you how the conversation went as all of you have experienced this 3rd World Nation Call. By the time I hung up, the rep had given me a replacement part ID, so that I could go to Lowes and get a free replacement. Now it's like 9 at night and the fucking store is closed. I went back the next day and the fucking Monkeys at the customer care desk advised me that I was number 2500 of fucking idiots like me looking for the same fucking part.
Round2: So I called back my friend in India. Happy Happy Joy joy! The rep this time told me he would ship a replacement part overnight. It's Day 2 and we have no hot water. Whatever, I told Rock Hudson, send it. Not sure if you knew this, but whenever you call a call center in India, all the reps give each other movie star names. This fucker picked the worst Butt Bandit name in the History of Hollywood.
Round 3: It's now Saturday and the part is not here. Mean while, I need to take the Family to the Car Dealer to get a new car. That shit took over 5 hours to complete. I come back and the box is outside my door. Queen Sheba automatically gets excited and say "Warm Shower Tonight" I'm thinking" Golden shower Tonight!". I took the box went to the garage and started to replace the defective part. It's now 7:00 at night PST time and the shit is not working. I called Rock Hudson back and I hear the most disturbing recording you could ever hear "The offices are now closed and will open on Monday". My fucking jaw dropped and I threw my wrenches out the fucking garage. Fuck me, now I have to wait till Monday! You can just imagine the look Wifey gave me when I told her the bad news. Oh well at this time, I didn't care if I went without pussy for an eternity.
Round 4: Well, we made it through the weekend. Mass boiling of water and Saco taking cold ass shower like a refugee. I called Rock Hudson, he tells me he doesn't know what the problem is. I wanted to come out the other side of the phone and shove my shoe so far up his ass that I wanted him to burp shoe polish for a year. He transfer me to another department.
Round 5: Holyshit, it's an American!!! Thank god for Good Ol' USA #1. This bitch from Tennesse tells me that the part that was sent to me, was not the right part that was defective. I hope Rock Hudson eats a bad Radish and shit worms for a whole month!! She tells me that she will be shipping out the new part over night. I thanked her and then told Queen Sheba the news. I still get the Darth Vader chocking look! Oh well, my getting laid days are now stretching. Fuck it!
Round 6 and final Round: The shipment came via UPS overnight. What does that mean? It means the package is being handled by some fucking Highschool drop out who thinks the world owes him an explanation as to why he's a fucking looser. If anyone of you know how Union Worker perform their work, then you know they took their fucking time getting me this package. I called UPS and the bitch tells me the package is in route and that they have till 7:00 PM to deliver the package. So I tell this bitch, so what is the purpose of having overnight as the package shows up at night and I can't see in the dark. She went silent and said sorry for the inconvenience. I said Fuck you too!
The package showed up at 6:55 PM. I want to shoot this fucking hippie delivering my package. Took all but 15 minutes to place the part and Bingo we have fire!!
This is the kind of shit that happends to me on a daily basis, with my luck the motherfucking Water Heater will go out next week. De Pinga! Sacopapa out!!
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