My Secret Girlfriend

So I get up the other morning and my cell rings. Queen Succubus tells me, "Hey, your phone was ringing". I think my response was, "I really don't give a shit." Now, understand, I don't want to talk to anyone at 7AM. At 7Am, if I'm getting ready for work, I'm hating life. If my phone rings at 7Am, you'd better be someone I do not know unless you have news that you're coming over with a case of Amstel Light & a 1/2 ounce of good weed. (Emphasis on good, nobody likes smoking dirt). Either way, I proceeded to brush my teeth and continued hating life with a little more disgust than I had initially.

As I got dressed, I chatted with your Highness. By her tone, I could tell she was going to go there. I tried asking her how she slept to try and change the forth coming topic but to no avail. "Who left you a message?" she asked (more like interrogated.) This means she actually shot a glance at my phone to investigate. Thats fucking gross. I could give a flying fuck since I have nothing to hide, but still, fucking lame. I did have a message........ from the day before from a friend about some baby shower. Not a message from my secret girlfriend.

I could list 50 reasons about why she's an idiot just like I'm sure she could make the same case for me. But to avoid not getting any trim this weekend, here are 3 reasons why I'm not lucky enough to have some chick calling me at 7AM:

1) Chicks don't like to get up in the AM hours

(I know this from personal experience)

2) I'm broke (chicks like money, no money no pussy)

3) Women are selfish & self-absorbed. I can guarantee I am the last thing

on any woman's mind first thing in the morning, even Queen Succubus.

I was so pissed off, I rolled out as quickly as possible. Nothing like heading to a job you hate already disgusted by random couple/stupid chick bullshit. Like how lucky would I have to be to have any woman calling me first thing in the morning. Especially my secret girlfriend. I'd be lucky to get tongue, much less circle the bases. All I know is, I'm not married in the technical sense of the word but I'm pretty sure my wife hates me too.....

UFC 95 tonight - Freebie

If anyone reads this today, tonight there is free UFC on Spike TV starting at 9PM. Check it out, good shit. And let me tell you why its good shit. On any UFC card, be it pay-per-view or like tonight, (FREEBIE!!) you will see 5 to 6 fights on the televised main card. Additionally, since MMA can be unpredictable, depending on the outcome of the undercard fights (another 4 to 5 fights), you might get to see some additional fights. Good bang for your buck, if you like to watch people kick the shit out of each other. MMA is so unlike boxing, which sucks ass nowadays. On any boxing card, you have like 3 maybe 4 fights. Nobody knows or cares about the undercard or who's fighting in it and these days even the main card sucks. MMA rocks.


I'll give you a quick breakdown on which fights to watch, if you're interested.
#1 - Main event Diego 'The Nightmare" Sanchez vs. Joe "Daddy" Stevenson
in the lightweight division (155 lbs)
The Nightmare is the real deal. This guy is awesome. Great ju-jitsu, good wrestling, superior stamina and vastly improved boxing. I've seen him whoop some serious ass. He's 21 & 2. His 2 losses went the distance and he didn't get his ass kicked in either one. The only thing is he normally fights at welterweight (170lbs) and he's dropping weight, almost 20 lbs.
Joe "Daddy" is a really good lightweight with tons of experience (he's been fighting for like 15 years) who also has really good ju-jitsu, good ground & pound and a nasty guillotine choke. His record is 34-9. One of his drawbacks is he's kind of short, which hurts his boxing. Unfortunately for him, his last 2 fights have been losses where he tapped out to a rear naked choke in both fights. And in both fights, he was fighting top flight guys, the current lightweight champ BJ Penn and the #1 contender to the title, Kenny Florian.
Prediction: The Nightmare by submission sometime in round 3.


#2 - Nate "The Great" Marquardt vs. Wilson Gouveia
The Great is a well rounded fighter who was King of Pancrase 7 times. Pancrase is some mma japanese org that held tournaments and well, the results speak for themselves. The Great is one of the best middleweights in the world. But, he got smoked by the best middleweight in the world, Anderson "The Spider" Silva, a year and a half ago. He is trying to get a rematch.
Wilson Goveia is another well rounded fighter who has a good record and is on a roll since he dropped down in weight from light heavyweight (205lbs). This guy throws bombs and he usually wins that way. His weakness is suspect stamina, which in MMA if you don't have, you will lose. Supposedly, his stamina is up to par now. We'll see tonight. The winner of this fight will be a contender to The Spider's crown.
Prediction: The Great by submission in sometime in round 2


#3 - Damein Maia vs. Chael Sonnen
This is a good match-up. Maia is a ju-jitsu master who has submitted all 5 of his oppenents in the UFC. This guy is a gentlemen but don't get into an MMA ring with him, he'll submit your ass. This is going to be a good test for him.
Chael Sonnen is a guy who fought in the UFC years ago and was let go after going 1-2, I believe. Regardless, in his last 2 fights, he whooped this guy twice who was considered the 2nd best middleweight (Paulo Filho) in the world, although Filho now seems to be a fucking headcase. Sonnens strength is in wrestling and he has trained with the best for years. This is a good fight. The winner of this fight is also going to be considered as a contender to The Spider's crown
Prediction: Maia by submission in round 2.


The other 2 fights are good as well but I don't have time to bore you with the details. But if you're interested, just check it out. Funny, the 3 fights I mentioned here are the 3 fights they're promoting on the UFC website. I know my MMA. I'm stoked. I had the shittiest week at work (which will be my ex-job very soon, future post) and I get to have some free entertainment tonight. Anyway, have a nice weekend bitches. Club 420 beckons and I'm on my 3rd beer..... and its noon. Yeah, baby!!!!

Until next time, peace. I'm out....

Passwords, passwords & more fucking passwords

I realized today that I have like 30 passwords. At least 10 at work and easily 20 at home. Sometimes, I have to use two passwords to get into one program. What sucks is that for every program, there are different reqs.

Your password must be between 6 - 10 characters...

Your password can be no longer than 12 characters & must have a letter...

Your password must be changed in 3 days...

Your password this, your password that...uuuuuggggghhhhh.....

Obviously, we all try to use something we can remember but when one has 10 different passwords in 10 variations, its easy to mix them up. And eventually, even the system you're using rejects the new password because its been used before, its too similiar to the last one or whatever other ridiculous reason for rejection. The worst is when you change your password and a week later, you have to change it again. The irony is that they're supposedly for security purposes but everyone has cheat sheets.

I wonder why?? Hhmmmmmmmmmm.............. Oh, I know.....TOO MANY FUCKING PASSWORDS!!!!!

I am currently using my old D&D character names. Back from the dead is the infamous kick-ass ranger Tobin. Let's see someone figure that shit out. And when they finally do, good luck finding out which website its for. I have no idea. Thats why I have a cheat sheet. All I know is that this password mania is almost like a job in itself. And I already have one sucky job to despise, I don't need another one.

Good luck losing a password. Then you have to call one of these places and deal with shitty customer service (local or international, doesn't matter) and the usual battery of questions: SS#, DOB, address, M/F, Ht, Wt,

gay, straight and the best part....the secret password in case you lost the other password. I'll give you my password............ s-u-c-k-m-y-b-a-l-l-s.....

Here's hoping no one has to change passwords for a while. Well, that's false hope for me. I'm pretty sure I remember one of my 50 work passwords today saying "password must be changed within 4 days."

I think I'm going to hurl. Until next time, peace. I'm out...

Lord of the Greens

I stopped off at Walgreens yesterday to get some money of all things. As I walked in, the usual fiasco. 3 registers, 1 fajated cashier and 1 long line. I disgustingly made my way to the end of the line. I scoped out the gum section to try and figure out what $1.07 purchase I can make to get $20 cash back. I know. Doublemint gum. For the hot chicks in the commercials.

After about 5 minutes and no progress, I see this Hobbit looking lady to the right of me trying to do the gidge. I am really not in the mood for any shenanigans so I tell her "Hey, this is a line" ... in my get the fuck in the back of the line tone. She looks at me says "thank you" and walks past me....then she says "I'm not blind!!" behind my back.

I didn't turn around because whats the point. But I'm pretty sure if I would have yelled "IMIGRA" that potato-faced bitch would have split with the quickest. And I remember what she looked like because I recalled being startled by her initially and thinking, "Ugghhh, don't touch me".

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I rolled out 15 minutes later and I had to maneuver out of another architectural masterpiece. Since I was pretty grossed out, I roared out of the extremely narrow parking lot, thinking, "I don't give a fuck". I proceeded to weave thru the following traffic:

1) Parked car pulling out

2) Car entering lot

3) Car coming around the bend.

4) 3 pedestrians

Horns blaring, I made it thru unscathed, although one of the pedestrians shot me a glare as he scampered out of the way. "Fuck off geriatrics," I thought. Onward to a rushed lunch and then back to misery. Oh, I'm sorry, I meant work. Unitl next time, peace. I'm out...

Some mornings really suck....

These events take place Tuesday between 8:30AM & 10:30 AM.....

Thats my really bad 24 impression.

I forgot to mention in my previous post that my hot water was not working........again. I take scalding hot showers and I really enjoy them. So, a day and a half later, I'm fucking miserable. I do not shower today

(fucking gross!!) and go about my menial early morning ritual of getting ready for work and head out. It's a yucky, dreary rainy morning. Anyway, I survive the daily commute through Death Alley (I-95) and arrive at work.

How come it is that whenever I wear my better shoes, or in this case, my brand new shoes, it's a fucking miserable day. Also take into consideration that I'm parking in the rock pits from hell. As I pull into work, I immediately notice major puddles of water. Great, welcome to your life, new shoes. I do my best to find a dry spot and I proceed to pull into a partially dry space.

Unfortunately for me, I have 14 things I'm carrying with me. Some home owners insurance paperwork, my little duffel bag with 4 water bottles, a magazine and other crap I can't even remember at this point. As I open the car door, I hear something fall. Blloooop!!.....Thats not good," I think....... FUCK!!!! Its my recently purchased, no contract, cell phone. AAGGGHHH!!!! I whip everything in my arms back in the car and step into the puddle (sorry new shoes) and retrieve the cell. For clarification, it was immersed in water for about 5 seconds. At this point, I'm pretty disgusted. I just got this piece of shit phone temporarily until I can get the one I want. And I'm already needing another one??!!! I'm hating life right about now.

I haul ass upstairs, get to my desk and proceed to do a Macgyver and take the cell apart. Amazingly enough, I take it apart competently, dry some shit (I don't know what the fuck I'm doing) and put it back together. Well, long story short, the phone continued to work but I guess the backlight got damaged because I can barely see anything on the phone. I deserve it for being a fucking dickhead in the firt place. To make matters worse, when I call the landlord about the hot water problem, he tells me some bullshit story about how his guy is out of town and it might take a few days to get it fixed because he doesn't really want to call someone out and have to pay them.

If it wasn't for the fact that I've been living in FL. for 12 years, I wouldn't believe the last thing I just wrote. But believe it, that's what he said. It is now 10:30 Am. Since I am at work, I can't just start screaming at the top of my lungs or smashing shit. So, I sit at my desk, with my head buried between my arms, thinking, "This morning officially sucks."

Until next time, peace. I'm out....

Super bowl weekend & my state of the art TVs

In the words of Sacopapa, Alteregoman reporting for duty. I haven't had a chance to post anything because I barely have time (a future post for sure) to wipe my ass, much less sit down and string together some coherent thoughts.

This past weekend I was celebrating my birthday. Fortunately for me, the best present I ever could've received came courtesy of the UFC. A massive mma (mixed martial arts) event Sat. night pitting champion vs. champion. Georges St. Pierre (welterweight champ) vs. BJ Penn (lightweight champ). For anyone who likes hand to hand combat between 2 people, this is the sport of the future. And I love it. I wish this would have come about when I was younger and you would have seen me whooping people's asses. Anyway, to make a long store short, St. Pierre demolished BJ Penn in 4 rounds to remain the #1 welterweight in the world. Awesome, awesome shit and an even better birthday present.

So Sunday came around and it was football time. I'm not really a big football fan anymore but I'm always down to drink mass quantities of beer while watching any good sports event (except soccer, thats not a real American sport). And the Steelers were my old team from back in the day. By the way, the Cardinals lost that game at halftime when they let a 250lb linebacker run 100 yards without taking him down. Terrible display of tackling. I think they had 5 or 6 shots at the guy.

Now came the fun part for me. On top of my state of the art computers, I also had some state of the art TVs. I used to have 3, all tubes. Funny enough, just like my current prehistoric computer, one of the TV's got to the point where it had to warm up before it started working too. It finally died like a day before the move. Even I had to laugh at that shit. Nonetheless, I am now down to two TVs. Why am I bringing this up, pray tell??

About 2 weeks ago, I woke up on the couch like at 3AM. I sleep with the TV on so when I woke up, I noticed something awry. I tried to change the channel and couldn't. Great, the fucking TIVO wasn't working. But since it was 3 in the fucking morning and I had to go to work in a few hours, (Yuck!!), I just said to myself, "I'll deal with it tomorrow." Still, I was fucking annoyed as I went to bed. Next day rolled around and I investigated the problem. After about 5 minutes of looking at wires thinking, "I'm fucked". I looked at the back of the TV set. I didn't realize it but the cable wasn't connected to the TV set. And thats where shit got gross. It wasn't disconnected, the adapter from the TV set was ripped out. It was still connected to the cable. The back of the TV had a hole in it. Great. One of my only sources of enjoyment was now being threatened. Curse the Gods!!!

To make a long story short, I handled it the same way the old mgmt co of where I used to live handled shit.........I jimmyrigged it. Its comical too because I didn't use tape or anything. I managed to jam the fucking cable cord back in the hole, making contact with whatever the fuck broke off on the inside. Guahiro style, once again. And thats how it was for 2 weeks. There was even a point last week where for a few days, you would walk around the apt and it would cause the TV to lose reception and/or get the snowy picture effect. I kid you not. You can't make this shit up. Thank the Gods (the same ones I was just cursing out before) that nothing happened during the UFC fights. But, I can't say the same for the SuperBowl.

Right as I go to sit down to watch the second half, BAM!!! Snowy picture. "Unfucking real, this is not happening," I thought. And the game was actually exciting in the first half. So I get about to fixing this horrible change of events. Yeah, right!!! After fighting life for about 10 - 15 minutes, I gave up. You have to understand. I was trying to jam some broken cord into the back of a TV set behind this wall unit, contorting myself like some fucking pretzel, trying not to get electrocuted. I even had to get Queen Succubus involved because I'm not Plastic Man and I could't see if what I was doing was even making a difference. On a frustration scale of 1-10, I was a 15.

Like I said, I gave up. I just couldn't deal. With some help, I managed to remove the TV from the stand and staggered a few feet (with this 36-inch monster, mind you). Great, now there's a beautiful art deco piece in the living room. I proceeded to get my last TV, the 27-incher, hooked it up and finished watching the SuperBowl. Awesome game, not so awesome view. Some people say I should be happy I even have a TV. I say fuck off.

Until next time, peace. I'm out........

My State of the Art Computers

Right now, it sucks to be Alteregoman. Why, you ask?? Well, where do I start. Ah, yes, we'll start with my state of the art computers. Surely, I jest. I have a desktop computer from, you know what, I don't even remember. I think 2002, I have no fucking clue. The bottom line is, as one can imagine, its 2009. If it were up to Queen Succubus, this would have been in the trash in 2006. I'm surprised the fucker still works. And it does, but boy is my patience wearing thin.

For example, just a half hour ago I started it up. Its like a car, it has to warm up for a few minutes to work effectively. Let me rephrase that, it has to warm up for a few minutes to work. Period. After waiting 5 minutes (avg wait time)I read SugarKing's post and wanted to make a comment, a simple one minute task. Not for Alteregoman. For me, the process took 15 minutes. (I used to get really pissed off, now I just get semi aggravated). After what seemed like an eternity, I posted the comment and forgot to log on under my name. Great, I am such an asshole!! Damn it, here we go again. I tried to log on, and I did, 5 MINUTES LATER!!! Unreal..

It gets better. Since I just moved recently, I have no desk because the old one was garbage and had to be discarded. And I can't afford one right at this moment. So I have the guajiro special, two trays put together in this perpendicular formation. The keyboard and monitor take up 50% of the space. There are 2 small lansing speakers on the corners. My mouse pad is, hold on, I have to take a look. This is actually funny. (I remember seeing this guy in the middle of the night on every fucking channel on TV). I have this Carlton Sheets No Down Payment Step-by-Step manual as my mouse pad which also doubles as my writing area. I have room for a drink and maybe an ashtray but that's it. I shit you not.

I haven't yet discussed the laptop, which at the time of purchase, was another kick-ass piece of machinery. Now, not so much. It works perfectly fine except for one little issue. The o button doesn't work. And at any moment, if you're in Word or some type of writing program, the o just starts popping up continuously, like this...ooooooooooooooooooooooooo....
Pretty fucking weak, huh. Any guess what your Highness' suggestion was like 2 years ago?? Throw it away. Typical. "Get a new one." Thats her response for everything, even if its new. Must be nice being rich.

I am happy to report the piece of shit prehistoric desktop actually held up during me writing this crap. At any moment, it could've frozen, leaving me wondering whether its stuck or just painstakingly slow. Who fucking knows. I pray it saves this shit before spazzing. Personally, I feel like whipping this processor against a concrete wall. Soon, grasshopper, soon....

I hope you enjoyed this private bitch and whine fest with Alteregoman and my state of the art computers. Until next time, peace. I'm out.........

Howard the Duck

So I head out to work this morning, thrilled as usual. I turn the corner and drive about half the block until I have to slow down because there, in the roadway, are 2 ducks. There just chilling crossing the street in my lane. I have nothing against ducks. As a matter of fact, when Queen Succubus and I have breakfast at a local place, I often say," Hey check out the duckies...". Pretty gay, I know. And by the some of the looks she's given me after hearing this comment for like the 750th time, I'm sure she thinks its pretty gay too. I proceed to swerve around the "duckies" and continue along my way. The person behind me does the same thing. These fucking ducks have it better than us humans. Unreal.

The thing about these ducks is that they're like mutant ducks. I've seen some that could weigh 15-20 lbs. Totally harmless, non-aggressive, but still abnormally large. Or maybe not. I'm not a fucking farmer or duck breeder. All I know is whenever I feel like any of my limbs are in danger with any animal, I'm fucking wary. So I proceed on my merry ride. I hit the main road and speed up to 35- 40 mph, the speed limit. I go 2 blocks and the light turns yellow. Fuck it, I think, I'm taking this bitch.

As I speed through the yellow light, out of the corner of my right eye, I see 2 ducks taking flight. Now, I have pretty good hand to eye coordination. I swear to God, when I saw the ducks taking off, I thought, "Holy Shit, am I gonna hit one of those...." I didn't even get to finish the thought. I closed my eyes and WHAM!!!!! 20!!!!! I fucked that duck up Looney Tunes style. I hit that fucker so hard I thought it might have cracked my windshield. And by the sound of the impact, it was a rather large one. Luckily, my windshield is not broken because I would have been one pissed off motherfucker with a hilarious broken car window story. And possibly sporting numerous lacerations due to flying shards of glass at 40mph.

Don't worry the duck survived the initial shot. After I pulverized it, I saw it in my rearview, feathers flying all over the place, looking to land in the median. He was rocked though. Serves em right. Next time that particular duck (if it lived) will think twice about flying carelessly through roadways with traffic. And I hope he spreads the message along to all the other stupid ducks as well. "Stay the fuck out of the street!! Go back to the lake or wherever the fuck you came from and stop slowing down traffic!!!"

Until next time, peace. I'm out......

Lunchtime with Alteregoman...

So I go to lunch on Thursday. Unfortunately, I had to run errands, which meant going to 2 different banks. Whenever I have to eat on the run, I love to have McDeath's. Some nice artery hardening comfort food on the go. I head over and I immediately notice there's a line. Not a small line either. There are like 7 cars. I figure, in normal surroundings, this should constitute no longer than a 10- minute wait at the most. But this is Florida, which has the worst customer service in the 50 states. Anyway, I wait for 5 minutes and the line doesn't move. And of course, my car is in the middle of the street (great architectural drive-thru design). I say fuck it, I'll have some Burger Death, there's one next to the bank I'm heading towards anyway.

Well, as I head to the bank, I hit the traffic jam from hell. It's 2:30PM "why is there crazy traffic" I say to no one aloud. To make matters worse I'm all the way in the right lane and I have to get all the way to the left. With no traffic, no problem, in bumper to bumper traffic, a bitch, especially with the assholes that ride the streets daily. Well, after finally getting over to the lane I needed to get to, I see the source of the traffic jam. Some car is just stopped in the middle of the right lane. No hazards, no signs, just some random car parked in a 5 lane highway in the middle of the afternoon. Unfuckingreal.

I get to Burger-Death and it is just as packed as the other place. I go inside and place my order. They give me the soda container, this huge cup. I fill it up with Coke and I'm thinking, should I put a little more or is this enough?? I say fuck it and as I turn to go back to get my food, SPLASH!!!! I spill half this tank of Coke all over my right arm, my pants and my right shoe. Wonderful. Now, I'm Joe sticky right half. I slosh over to the counter and wait for my order. And wait, and wait and wait...... Two people that ordered after me come and go. Typical. I don't create a big stink because, at this point, I'm feeling defeated and dejected. I just bury my head in my hands, waiting, staring down at the cold metal counter. The most efficient lady (notice I didn't say manager) notices me standing there wallowing in my misery. I ask for help and she produces, getting me my microwaved meat by-product in 3 minutes. At this point, probably 45 minutes have passed and I still haven't even completed my banking shit.

I am finally almost done, as I exit the 2nd bank. As I get to the left turn out of this crazy mall area where the bank is located, I notice my favorite. Some clueless cretins sitting at one of the left turn lanes I have to make. To make matters worse, as I pull up alongside of them, they kinda sorta move out to make the turn but they stop right in the middle of the road. Now, myself and the other driver across from me are like, what's going on?? I don't hesitate. I hit the pedal to the metal. I blast my horn and scare the shit out of these two old bags, who shouldn't be behind the wheel much less out in public unsupervised. As I whip around them, I hear them yelling out, startled by my driving aggression. Man, FUCK YOU!!! I have to get to work. As I got to the light I looked in the rearview mirror and they were still sitting there. They're probably there right now and it's Sunday.

I don't know but that was lunchtime with Alteregoman....

Death Race 2000

So I wake up today having not done what I wanted to do all weekend... chill the fuck out. Queen Succubus shanghaied me into helping her pick up our apt. yesterday, which is still showing the effects of the post-move. To add to my dismay, the A/C stopped working Sat. night. This is after we didn't have appropriate hot water flow for a week. After 5 minutes of hot water, it would run out. So we get that fixed just in time to finish picking up the house with no A/C. Fuck it, whatever I think. Half the people around the world don't even have food, water or shelter so a day or two without A/C is not a big deal for me. Except for when I woke up in the morning thinking, man, its hot.

So I get around to calling the owner at lunchtime (I fucked up and totally forgot) and he tells me he'll try to get someone out today. I get a call 10 minutes later from the A/C repair co. saying they can come out at 5PM. Fucking great. That means I have to leave work at 4PM. Not that I mind leaving work early but I don't want to give anyone at work the opportunity to say I'm a getover. So I tell my boss I have to split and she's cool about it.

Every day I drive to work, I am risking my life. No, I am not exaggerating. I live in Florida, the capital of idiotic and clueless driving. Literally, every day ther are multiple accidents on the road. And not simple "rear ended you" type of accidents. I've seen things that you would only see in smash-up derbies, you know, those monster truck shows where cars & trucks crush each other. Well, I see those every day and pray I don't become a statistic.
There are 2 legs to my journey. On the way to work, the first leg is I595. The second leg is I95. Both extremely dangerous. I shit you not.

Now the fun part begins. So I take off from work on a mission. It takes 10 minutes to get to the quarry (employee parking...see earlier post) so I'm already losing time since my ride is about 45 minutes. I haul ass. I get to I95 in about 10 minutes and before I jump on, I do the sign of the cross. "May the force be with me '' I think to myself. The speed limit is 55mph, a sure way to disaster. Average driving speed is 70mph, you'd best stick to that. As I make my way , I am going to cross over a lane to pass this old fart in front of me slowing me down, the only guy in Florida observing the speed limit. Better not, that dude coming up is doing like 90. So I stay in my lane, as the dude Speed Racers past me in the HOV/car pool lane. Asshole, I don't even think he had 2 people in his car.

I somehow survive the first leg and make it to I595. Its 4:30, I have a half hour to go. I'm feeling okay, I'm coming A/C unit. So as I swerve around some cars, pulling into a lane. Oh, oh. That big 18 wheeler is turning into the same lane. Watch out!!! AAGGGHHH!!! I barely survive, with the truck driver honking at me and giving me the finger. Dude, its not my fault your in a humongous truck that moves slow and I was there first anyway. Fuck you!! I continue on my mission and I see traffic. Fucking great. At this point, I am super stressed out because I can't miss the A/C guy. I don't want to hear for the next few days how it sucks with no A/C. I pull off I595 and survive the second leg.

As I get to the traffic light, I see some numbnuts trying to pull a power move on me. (I drive a Chevy Blazer that is 6 years old. It needs a paint job and looks old. Just the way I like it because I intimidate all the fancy shmancy new cars on the road.) He is trying to make a right from the middle lane and guess who's in his way. Me, of course. Hey I don't give a fuck. I speed up and test his resolve. My A/C unit is calling. The fucker tries to cut in front of me. I do my usual, I press the horn and hold it for 5 to 10 seconds as I press on. This dude didn't cut me off and made a crazy turn onto the road, obviously perturbed by my horn. Good, asshole. At this point, I now have about 15 minutes to get home but I'm driving residential. And I see the idiot who tried cut me off up ahead. Lo and behold, the idiot wants to come into my lane to make a right. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS GUYS PROBLEM!!! Get into the lane you need to be in and you won't have to kamikaze every 5 minutes. FUCKING MORON!! So, I do my usual, I DO NOT let the guy in and honk the horn again as I pass him , wishing him a long and painful death. I hope he wraps himself around a pole during one of his stupid moves. I look in the rearview and the guy proceeds to cut across the lane to make his turn. Asshole. I finally get home with 5 minutes to spare.

Well, it is now, 6:15PM and the A/C repairman is still not here. You know whats even grosser than him not being here. When I spoke to the company on the phone, the guy made it a point of saying the repairman needed light to work (the A/C unit is outside)so 5PM is the latest they can get here. Thus my mad rush from work to get here by that time. So basically, I hauled ass like a madman, almost having a coronary because I could not miss the A/C guy for no reason. I left work early and almost died on 2 seperate occasions for no reason. And I can't do a fucking thing until the A/C guy gets here because I'm sure I will have to get involved somehow.
I am so disgusted right now. WHERE IS THE FUCKING A/C GUY???!!!!!
Oh and by the way, its hot like a motherfucker....

Dream Crusher...

I woke up this morning and I had a dream. I thought, man I'm going to relax all day.

I got out of work last night at about 9:45 PM (not a normal occurrence) but nontheless, that still sucked. Especially, due to co-worker irresponsibility and inefficiency. If not for this, I probably would have finished at 7:30 - 8:00, but I digress. Then I had to trek about another half hour to meet my buddy at the 420 club. Hung for a bit to unwind. So after driving throughout S. Florida, I finally get home. A sixpack later, its 1:30AM. I think to myself, tomorrow, I'm going to seriously chill. Not to be such a pussy, I've had an extremely tiring week with work (which I'm starting to hate) and life.

I wake up today and I'm pretty exhausted. Queen Succubus had told me her parents were coming over today, which is fine. Her dad, who happens to be a super cool dude, was coming over to put together some cast iron little patio set, which we have been lugging arund for 10 YEARS. Yeah believe it. Hey, makes me fucking ecstatic. Less money to burn on shit I could give a crap about. About noon, I ordered a pie, which I proceeded to scarf down as soon as it arrived. I sit down with a beer and set up 2 online poker tourneys, ready to continue some serious hanging loose and chilling.

At this point the Queen's parents arrive. Everyone exchanges pleasantries and I continue chilling. Although it can be slightly distracting to play good poker like this, I have been itching to play because I just finished moving and missed a week of internet access due to gross monopolies of electric, phone & cable in FL. Anyway, as soon as I start playing, Queen Succubus tells me " Go help my father with the table". When she said that, I turned to her and shot her a look.
- If I were Superman, I would've burned her with my x-ray vision.
- If I were Bulls-eye, 2 knives would have flown out of my hands instinctively.

Personally, I hate arguing, esp in front of parental units. So, what do you think I did??
Exit chilling stage right. Enter door 2, gross work. To make matters worse, she proceeds to play my games while I work, and does good. I mean, I appreciate that she is covering for me, but I really wanted to kick ass. UURRGGGHH!!! Eventually, we finish an hour later. Its now about 3PM and the dream is dead. They are now putting up these blinds to cover this thin slit of window in our new front door so no one can peer in and see me walking around in my naked glory. I play for 15 minutes and lose, playing really bad. Great, this particular tourney was decently big and I can't even make the second break. So much for peace and fucking relaxation. To make matter worse, there is now a problem putting up the blinds and I'm out of beer. FUCK THAT. BEER RUN....

Ultimately, I get back home and they are gone. Some time has passed and it is now 6:30PM. My desktop keyboard broke (I guess) and I have posted this whole shit with my defective laptop, you know the one with the o button that doesn't work. Call me Joe cut and paste.
Yeah, welcome to my life. Like I said, intially, I had a dream.....