Lunchtime with Alteregoman...

So I go to lunch on Thursday. Unfortunately, I had to run errands, which meant going to 2 different banks. Whenever I have to eat on the run, I love to have McDeath's. Some nice artery hardening comfort food on the go. I head over and I immediately notice there's a line. Not a small line either. There are like 7 cars. I figure, in normal surroundings, this should constitute no longer than a 10- minute wait at the most. But this is Florida, which has the worst customer service in the 50 states. Anyway, I wait for 5 minutes and the line doesn't move. And of course, my car is in the middle of the street (great architectural drive-thru design). I say fuck it, I'll have some Burger Death, there's one next to the bank I'm heading towards anyway.

Well, as I head to the bank, I hit the traffic jam from hell. It's 2:30PM "why is there crazy traffic" I say to no one aloud. To make matters worse I'm all the way in the right lane and I have to get all the way to the left. With no traffic, no problem, in bumper to bumper traffic, a bitch, especially with the assholes that ride the streets daily. Well, after finally getting over to the lane I needed to get to, I see the source of the traffic jam. Some car is just stopped in the middle of the right lane. No hazards, no signs, just some random car parked in a 5 lane highway in the middle of the afternoon. Unfuckingreal.

I get to Burger-Death and it is just as packed as the other place. I go inside and place my order. They give me the soda container, this huge cup. I fill it up with Coke and I'm thinking, should I put a little more or is this enough?? I say fuck it and as I turn to go back to get my food, SPLASH!!!! I spill half this tank of Coke all over my right arm, my pants and my right shoe. Wonderful. Now, I'm Joe sticky right half. I slosh over to the counter and wait for my order. And wait, and wait and wait...... Two people that ordered after me come and go. Typical. I don't create a big stink because, at this point, I'm feeling defeated and dejected. I just bury my head in my hands, waiting, staring down at the cold metal counter. The most efficient lady (notice I didn't say manager) notices me standing there wallowing in my misery. I ask for help and she produces, getting me my microwaved meat by-product in 3 minutes. At this point, probably 45 minutes have passed and I still haven't even completed my banking shit.

I am finally almost done, as I exit the 2nd bank. As I get to the left turn out of this crazy mall area where the bank is located, I notice my favorite. Some clueless cretins sitting at one of the left turn lanes I have to make. To make matters worse, as I pull up alongside of them, they kinda sorta move out to make the turn but they stop right in the middle of the road. Now, myself and the other driver across from me are like, what's going on?? I don't hesitate. I hit the pedal to the metal. I blast my horn and scare the shit out of these two old bags, who shouldn't be behind the wheel much less out in public unsupervised. As I whip around them, I hear them yelling out, startled by my driving aggression. Man, FUCK YOU!!! I have to get to work. As I got to the light I looked in the rearview mirror and they were still sitting there. They're probably there right now and it's Sunday.

I don't know but that was lunchtime with Alteregoman....