The Wank

So I know this guy, we'll call him Greg for our purposes, that took a nice trip to Ireland with his wife this past summer. Even though they were going to visit some of the wife's family, they decided to stay at a resort. That way, they would not have to rely on any favors from family and they could enjoy the luxuries that some of these fancy resorts offer. Nice set up with two weeks off from the rat race.

So one of the luxuries that they wanted to enjoy was the spa. Typically more of a chick-type thing to enjoy, but since Greg never had a massage before, this seemed like a perfect time. She wanted to do one of those 'couple's treatments' that include facials, massage, body wraps, and some other bullshit. That sounded like a big fucking hassle so Greg took the massage and his wife did that big treatment thing.

Since Greg has never had a massage, he was a little nervous about things. He knew he would have to strip down.....what if the masseuse was a guy!?!? Oofa.....that seems quite gay. What if it was a mega-hot babe? Now that sounds cool. But what about happy endings, we have all heard about that---do those things really happen, or do they just happen at those Asian offices hidden behind Adult Novelty Stores?? What if he does not get aroused, what then? Obviously, he was over thinking this whole thing. So he made the appointment and off he went.

So he gets there and gets introduced to the masseuse.......the big moment...female, young, and attractive. He kind of described her like that chick in X-Men(Rogue), who is now in True-blood, Anna Paquin.

--On a quick note, it is interesting to think of Rogue from the X-Men as a masseuse. Since her mutant ability is that of power absorption through touch, she could single-handedly destroy the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants with a big massage session.--

So Anna begins the massage and everything is going fine, in fact it is quite relaxing. Then she asks him to flip over. While lieing on his back, Anna works his legs......above the knee. As much as Greg was trying not to think about 'it', he felt it move.....he was getting aroused and big boner-city was around the corner! He began to panic as he thought things could become very awkward. Then something happened...she noticed! Greg told me his heart raced........Anna noticed the 'penis-starting-to-get-hard-movement' beneath the towel, looked up at him, smiled, and in her fantastic Irish accent asked, "Do you wanna wank?"

Holy shit! Could this be true?!?! Anna Paquin was offering to jerk him off in the secrecy of this room! Was this normal for her or was he special? Who gives a fuck, he thought. So he quickly tried to collect himself, hoping to sound calm and cool, and said, "Uhh, yeah.......ok." Realizing he did not sound cool at all. Anna responds by saying, "No problem, I'll be back in two minutes."

At this point, Greg is doing cart wheels while raising the flag at the center of Boner-City.

So there he laid waiting for 'the wank'...fucking fantastic. Was she getting special masseuse jerk-off oil? Maybe some special aphrodisiac-aroma thing? Who the fuck knows, who the fuck cares, but Anna Paquin is gonna polish the trombone.

After a few minutes goes by, he hears her gently opening the door........Greg looks over as the door opens, Anna pops her head in and asks, "So are you finished?"

Boner-City was quickly miles away.