I think I'm funny

So during the holidays this past month I had to go out to dinner with some of my wife's highschool friends. Decent enough people but we very rarely see them so my wife wants me to be 'normal' for one night.(Needless to say defining normal is a post unto itself, maybe some other time) For the most part, she does not trust me(no surprise, huh?) in mixed company. For me to be trusted, I need to be within her eyesight, sober, and not speaking. If those requirements are met, her special little hatred for me greatly lessens.

Meatloaf said that two outta three ain't bad, so I will go with that: definetly within her eyesight, only two drinks(when I say two, I mean two times that she witnessed me order & finish a drink, regardless of how many I did or did not have, her count should be at two) which makes me sober, but I surely had to speak. So two for three has me in decent shape, and because of this I can honestly say that things went as smooth as I can hope. Her friends are mixed company so I have more of a buffer zone........but my friends are more like family so she tends to break out the claws a little more in front of them. But tonight it was her friends, combine that with 'two outta three' and things did go as good as I can hope. Remember, don't think I get laid or anything after dinner and drinks, but like I said, things went as good as I can hope.

So let's get back to me speaking, which gets me to why 'I think I'm funny'. So the guys are sitting on one side of the table which gave me a little more freedom--pretty cool. To my right sits down a very nice guy(much nicer than me I am sure), but I do not see much in common. For starters, he ordered a diet coke. A diet coke? "Be sure not to trip on your skirt as you get into the car." Here we are at one of these fancy type Hibachi places looking to unwind and you order a diet coke?? But that doesn't make him a bad guy, who knows the guy may be a recovering alcoholic or even worse, maybe his wife hates him.....or maybe something I can not even think of. Let me hit the next typical guy topic, sports. I know my four major sports, conversation will not be a problem. He tells me he does not follow any sport...oofa! No booze, no sports.....things are getting rough. I know, music is always the answer, right? Wrong. He claims he works 80 hours a week and has no time for music. What the fuck am I gonna do!? He then asks about my 9 month old son since he has a 7 month old. It did not even cross my mind to use my son for mixed company chit chat....way to go junior! So we exchange baby stories and I learn that he is a great guy and a good father. Not that I will invite him over to drink beer and watch the AFC Championship, but a good guy nonetheless.

So he asks me, "What do you think about being a father? Do you like it?"

I reply, "Like it, I love being a father, ever since my son was born I finally have someone in the house who likes me!"

I think I'm funny.