Slave Labor

So a couple of days ago I was in line at the post office with a sore neck thinking…

My wife has a small business which I believe may be breaking labor laws. The lone employee she has does website management, finance, shipping, handles customer contact, and any additional duties or errands that may come up at any time. This employee is screamed at and belittled regularly. In addition to all this, this employee does this for no pay at all or even compensation for use of his vehicle. Who, do you ask would put up with such a thing? I‘m sure you’ve guessed by now that it’s yours truly. Just for the record, I also have a more than full time job at the company with all the meetings and am the on command taxi for my 2 teenagers. I also have 2 small dogs that I help care for (that by the way happen to be ripe for future posting material).

After a typical day of useless meetings and the typical complaining and endless e-mails and phone calls from distributors at work, I am safely in my car happily listening to a Howard Stern replay glad to be headed to meet a friend for a couple of drinks. Suddenly my iphone rings with a specific ringtone, which I know is my wife. She informs me that a bunch of orders need to ship out today before the Post Office closes, 7pm, or first thing in the morning. She can’t do it since she has to finish work on the next day orders, not that she needs a reason to make me do it. Additionally she tells me to pass by Publix for dinner, as she has no time to cook. She also mentions that my son is at his friend’s house and probably needs be to picked-up. I sadly call my friend and tell him that I’m out for happy hour. It’s like 6pm, but I plan to use the automatic shipping machine for the packages which is available past closing so I don’t have to get up extra early in the morning. I get a text from my son about the ride he needs, I call back that I’m on the way after getting dinner. My daughter calls me that she needs to go to Barnes and Nobles to get a book for school. Chill time is getting further away.

I get to Publix, avoiding the 10 items or less lane ( see my past post on this), and find a lane with 2 guys looking like they are also in a hurry and even with one of the guys getting a credit card rejection, I got out of there fairly quickly. I get to my son’s friend house and the kid’s dad is the driveway. I know him and he’s a good guy so we chat a bit and he invites me in for a drink. I sadly tell him I have food in the car and can’t stay. My son gets in the car, greets me, turns on the ipod and begins his usual texting frenzy. I them remember that there is a new English style pub by the Barnes and Nobles where I could have a couple of drinks while my daughter takes her sweet time at the books store. I get home, slap together a few ham croquet Cuban bread sandwiches from the stuff I got in Publix and everyone stuffs their faces. I change clothes quickly as I’m still in that the lame “business casual” costume I wear to work.

My daughter and I are then off to Barnes and Nobles and my drinks, packages to ship loaded up in the car for after the bookstore. Once I park, I tell her to call me when she’s done and we split up, she calls back at me saying she said she needs $20.00 for the books. I then realize I forgot my wallet in my work costume, but do have some cash on me. I count up a couple of 5’s and singles..$21.00. I give my daughter the money and sadly return to the car my drink plans foiled once again. I turn on the Howard replay again and the fagberry rings, ugh, work. This idiot keeps me on the phone for like 30 minutes about a meaningless excel sheet and reminds me that we have an early meeting. I hope he gets a fucking flat tire in the morning. A few minutes later, my daughter strolls out of the store with the books and faguccino coffee thing from the fagbucks that is inside the bookstore paid with the money leftover, about a Jack and Cokes worth of change, I calculate.

Since I forgot my wallet I have to go home before I go to the post office. We get home and I recover the wallet and off to the post office. I will have a drink when I get back home I think. As I pull in the Post Office parking lot, I can see from the outside there is no line at the machine. The Enterprise red alert goes off and it’s my wife. This call is not related to her business, but I have to go to the pharmacy to get milk. I hang up and my daughter calls me two seconds later and tells me she needs Elmer’s Glue for school.

Since I have like 14 packages, I first go to the lobby and get one of the carts that are available at this post office and go back to my car to get the packages. I load them up and head back to the lobby and notice a lady now headed in. Damn. As I walk in she is at the machine, stands there and leaves. Hmmm. She walks past me as I head to the machine and says nothing. I arrive at the machine and the screen reads—temporarily out of service. I felt like Charlie Brown when Lucy pulls the football away. I then go to the pharmacy and get the milk, making sure it’s 2% so I don’t get yelled at, and the Elmer’s glue. I get to the line. One slow cashier and like 7 people in line. 20 minutes of Hell. I get home, settle in and get instructions from the wife and kids about what I need to do for them tomorrow. Finally, relax time is here. I make a nice Jack and Coke take a small sip, sit on my recliner, put the drink on the coffee table and put on ESPN HD. I must have dozed off…at 6am I abruptly wake up to one of my dogs yapping loudly in my ear.

I had fallen asleep with my neck in a fucked up position. I look over at the table and see my Jack and Coke, ice long ago melted, now being sniffed and examined by the dog. I remember that I have to rush as I have to get to the Post Office (who knows what awaits me there) and an early meeting at work. Damn, was my neck sore. I am the Robotman.