Death Race 2000

So I wake up today having not done what I wanted to do all weekend... chill the fuck out. Queen Succubus shanghaied me into helping her pick up our apt. yesterday, which is still showing the effects of the post-move. To add to my dismay, the A/C stopped working Sat. night. This is after we didn't have appropriate hot water flow for a week. After 5 minutes of hot water, it would run out. So we get that fixed just in time to finish picking up the house with no A/C. Fuck it, whatever I think. Half the people around the world don't even have food, water or shelter so a day or two without A/C is not a big deal for me. Except for when I woke up in the morning thinking, man, its hot.

So I get around to calling the owner at lunchtime (I fucked up and totally forgot) and he tells me he'll try to get someone out today. I get a call 10 minutes later from the A/C repair co. saying they can come out at 5PM. Fucking great. That means I have to leave work at 4PM. Not that I mind leaving work early but I don't want to give anyone at work the opportunity to say I'm a getover. So I tell my boss I have to split and she's cool about it.

Every day I drive to work, I am risking my life. No, I am not exaggerating. I live in Florida, the capital of idiotic and clueless driving. Literally, every day ther are multiple accidents on the road. And not simple "rear ended you" type of accidents. I've seen things that you would only see in smash-up derbies, you know, those monster truck shows where cars & trucks crush each other. Well, I see those every day and pray I don't become a statistic.
There are 2 legs to my journey. On the way to work, the first leg is I595. The second leg is I95. Both extremely dangerous. I shit you not.

Now the fun part begins. So I take off from work on a mission. It takes 10 minutes to get to the quarry (employee parking...see earlier post) so I'm already losing time since my ride is about 45 minutes. I haul ass. I get to I95 in about 10 minutes and before I jump on, I do the sign of the cross. "May the force be with me '' I think to myself. The speed limit is 55mph, a sure way to disaster. Average driving speed is 70mph, you'd best stick to that. As I make my way , I am going to cross over a lane to pass this old fart in front of me slowing me down, the only guy in Florida observing the speed limit. Better not, that dude coming up is doing like 90. So I stay in my lane, as the dude Speed Racers past me in the HOV/car pool lane. Asshole, I don't even think he had 2 people in his car.

I somehow survive the first leg and make it to I595. Its 4:30, I have a half hour to go. I'm feeling okay, I'm coming A/C unit. So as I swerve around some cars, pulling into a lane. Oh, oh. That big 18 wheeler is turning into the same lane. Watch out!!! AAGGGHHH!!! I barely survive, with the truck driver honking at me and giving me the finger. Dude, its not my fault your in a humongous truck that moves slow and I was there first anyway. Fuck you!! I continue on my mission and I see traffic. Fucking great. At this point, I am super stressed out because I can't miss the A/C guy. I don't want to hear for the next few days how it sucks with no A/C. I pull off I595 and survive the second leg.

As I get to the traffic light, I see some numbnuts trying to pull a power move on me. (I drive a Chevy Blazer that is 6 years old. It needs a paint job and looks old. Just the way I like it because I intimidate all the fancy shmancy new cars on the road.) He is trying to make a right from the middle lane and guess who's in his way. Me, of course. Hey I don't give a fuck. I speed up and test his resolve. My A/C unit is calling. The fucker tries to cut in front of me. I do my usual, I press the horn and hold it for 5 to 10 seconds as I press on. This dude didn't cut me off and made a crazy turn onto the road, obviously perturbed by my horn. Good, asshole. At this point, I now have about 15 minutes to get home but I'm driving residential. And I see the idiot who tried cut me off up ahead. Lo and behold, the idiot wants to come into my lane to make a right. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS GUYS PROBLEM!!! Get into the lane you need to be in and you won't have to kamikaze every 5 minutes. FUCKING MORON!! So, I do my usual, I DO NOT let the guy in and honk the horn again as I pass him , wishing him a long and painful death. I hope he wraps himself around a pole during one of his stupid moves. I look in the rearview and the guy proceeds to cut across the lane to make his turn. Asshole. I finally get home with 5 minutes to spare.

Well, it is now, 6:15PM and the A/C repairman is still not here. You know whats even grosser than him not being here. When I spoke to the company on the phone, the guy made it a point of saying the repairman needed light to work (the A/C unit is outside)so 5PM is the latest they can get here. Thus my mad rush from work to get here by that time. So basically, I hauled ass like a madman, almost having a coronary because I could not miss the A/C guy for no reason. I left work early and almost died on 2 seperate occasions for no reason. And I can't do a fucking thing until the A/C guy gets here because I'm sure I will have to get involved somehow.
I am so disgusted right now. WHERE IS THE FUCKING A/C GUY???!!!!!
Oh and by the way, its hot like a motherfucker....