Sacopapa reporting for duty. Sorry this story is long but I need to share this. I finally decided to get a Vasectomy and let me tell you, it’s no joke! First I had to take a class with about 20 other guys that wanted their balls snipped right away. The class was given by a little hot Mexican chick which made all the guys giggle when she was talking about getting your balls cut. It was quite cool to see so many other losers in the same category as me. I felt quite comfortable knowing that I wasn’t the only asshole with this crazy cockamania idea. Queen Sheba was told by her doctor that she needed to stop taking the pill as it started affecting her Hormones. Meaning the bitch can turn on a dime! I being the stoner that I am, told her that I would get a Vasectomy. Me and big mouth, I know better than to talk when I’m stone. I always seem to get in trouble that way. Anyway, I decided to do it as I seem to love to drink, smoke crazy weed and get in the pussy and snuggle up to it like it’s a mink fucking coat.
So the class went on and all the guys had the same question, “How long before I can fuck again?” The little Mexican chick, we’ll call her Ms. Langoria, told everyone that it would take 10 days before you can even punch the clown. Ms. Langoria went on about what drugs you can not take before the procedure. My business partner felt bad for me about this stupid decision in life, so he gave me the day off. So when ever I have the day off, I like to wake up with a nice bowl to start the day. So everyone is asking questions and me (Stony Boloney) asked if you could smoke weed prior to the surgery. It was like you could hear a pin drop in that fucking room. I didn’t give a shit what anybody thought, but there was the one white guy in the corner that gave me the thumbs up and a smile for asking. Ms. Langoria just looked at me like I was a fucking idiot. All she said was to use it in moderation. Didn’t fucking answer my question, probably because it was so fucking dumb to ask, what ever!
The class ended and I was given a packet with info to call back in and schedule the procedure. I took my time doing this as I was not about to set my balls on the chopping table yet.
So the class went on and all the guys had the same question, “How long before I can fuck again?” The little Mexican chick, we’ll call her Ms. Langoria, told everyone that it would take 10 days before you can even punch the clown. Ms. Langoria went on about what drugs you can not take before the procedure. My business partner felt bad for me about this stupid decision in life, so he gave me the day off. So when ever I have the day off, I like to wake up with a nice bowl to start the day. So everyone is asking questions and me (Stony Boloney) asked if you could smoke weed prior to the surgery. It was like you could hear a pin drop in that fucking room. I didn’t give a shit what anybody thought, but there was the one white guy in the corner that gave me the thumbs up and a smile for asking. Ms. Langoria just looked at me like I was a fucking idiot. All she said was to use it in moderation. Didn’t fucking answer my question, probably because it was so fucking dumb to ask, what ever!
The class ended and I was given a packet with info to call back in and schedule the procedure. I took my time doing this as I was not about to set my balls on the chopping table yet.
I called at the end of January as that is when I think I came to the realization that I had to go through with it. So I called and the bitch on the other end tells me that there is only one opening in February. Guess what day? Friday the 13th. Fuck me; I swear to you, that I’m truly cursed in life. I should have been born a Bundy!
Queen Sheba drove me there, since my boys were getting snipped and I needed a ride home. I was a bit nervous but went in anyway. I showed up, received a packet of information to fill out. Waited in the waiting room and then my name was called. I took a deep breath, kissed Queen Sheba and went in. They asked for me to get naked and keep my socks and shoes on. Huh?!! Ok, whatever, so I did. Then had my pressure was taken, it was a bit high as I was nervous. Then they walked over to the operating room and laid me on the bed. There were stirrups where I had to place my legs on, which I did. The room was cold and my balls are just hanging out like Chorizos at a Cuban market. The one nurse told me that someone else would come in prep the boys for the surgery. To my amazement, Ms. Langoria walked in. I’m like, ok this might be cool after all. She didn’t say a fucking word except,” I’ll be applying iodine and this will be really cold” WHOAAHHH!!! That shit was cold and my nuts shrank to the size of Peanuts! Then she taped the head of my cock onto my stomach. At this point, I tried to socialize with the bitch, but she wouldn't give me the time of day. Yet, I asked her if she thought my balls were perfectly shaven. What a fucking moronic thing to say. All she said was,” Yes they are.” When she said that I felt another blast of frozen liquid down my balls and down the crack of my ass. That shit is no joke!! Bitch did it on purpose. She left and said the doctor would be in soon. Here we go, will he walk in with a hockey mask and will he have a bloody machete? Fuck no, he walks in and is a 5 foot 2 Asian Doctor. Oh no, he is going to Sashimi my balls!!! He opens his mouth the Doctor sounds like Charles Fucking Heston. Phew, cool, he was raised in the States. Thank god!
Queen Sheba drove me there, since my boys were getting snipped and I needed a ride home. I was a bit nervous but went in anyway. I showed up, received a packet of information to fill out. Waited in the waiting room and then my name was called. I took a deep breath, kissed Queen Sheba and went in. They asked for me to get naked and keep my socks and shoes on. Huh?!! Ok, whatever, so I did. Then had my pressure was taken, it was a bit high as I was nervous. Then they walked over to the operating room and laid me on the bed. There were stirrups where I had to place my legs on, which I did. The room was cold and my balls are just hanging out like Chorizos at a Cuban market. The one nurse told me that someone else would come in prep the boys for the surgery. To my amazement, Ms. Langoria walked in. I’m like, ok this might be cool after all. She didn’t say a fucking word except,” I’ll be applying iodine and this will be really cold” WHOAAHHH!!! That shit was cold and my nuts shrank to the size of Peanuts! Then she taped the head of my cock onto my stomach. At this point, I tried to socialize with the bitch, but she wouldn't give me the time of day. Yet, I asked her if she thought my balls were perfectly shaven. What a fucking moronic thing to say. All she said was,” Yes they are.” When she said that I felt another blast of frozen liquid down my balls and down the crack of my ass. That shit is no joke!! Bitch did it on purpose. She left and said the doctor would be in soon. Here we go, will he walk in with a hockey mask and will he have a bloody machete? Fuck no, he walks in and is a 5 foot 2 Asian Doctor. Oh no, he is going to Sashimi my balls!!! He opens his mouth the Doctor sounds like Charles Fucking Heston. Phew, cool, he was raised in the States. Thank god!
He started his shit and says, “ This will hurt a bit” I immediately gripped the side of the table. AWWWWW, my nuts, my nuts and then the pain just went away. He performed the procedure and it was over in 20 minutes. Ms. Langoria came in cleaned me up and asked if I was ok. Bitch, I just lost my family jewels, what do you think? She smirked as I was leaving the room. Probably gets off on that shit at night. “OOOO, it was so great to see so many nuts get snipped today!!”
I got dressed and walked out of the room, Queen Sheba looked at me like I had lost my best friend. She took me home and I iced my nuts for the next 24 hours. I still have 2 small stitches on my balls which will fall off by the end of the week. The funny part is that I made a huge deal out of it and it was not bad at all. My balls will be ok and now I can fuck Queen Sheba when ever I want. I will save the planet from more Sacopapitas roaming the earth. Amen to that!!
Sacopapa Out!!!
I got dressed and walked out of the room, Queen Sheba looked at me like I had lost my best friend. She took me home and I iced my nuts for the next 24 hours. I still have 2 small stitches on my balls which will fall off by the end of the week. The funny part is that I made a huge deal out of it and it was not bad at all. My balls will be ok and now I can fuck Queen Sheba when ever I want. I will save the planet from more Sacopapitas roaming the earth. Amen to that!!
Sacopapa Out!!!
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Let me tell you, I got my vasectomy over 16 years ago, and zero advancement in the procedure. Saco didn't mentioned the two large needles in the ball sac for local anesthesia. Balls the size of a grapefruit. I was military at the time, so I didn't want to reeking of weed to the base hospital, so had like 5 Jack and Cokes with the painkillers they gave me.
ReplyDeleteBoth you niggas have some serious balls..... no pun intended
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