Split Ends

I hate getting haircuts. Not just the waste of time that it is but also the annoying social interaction. I wish I had a hairdresser and an auto mechanic in the family. Life would be much easier.

When I was like 13 I started to let my hair grow, as I was getting into metal, it was the style and ending 12 years of hellish trips to the barbershop seemed really cool. Not quite. My mother was on my ass like flies on shit about getting a haircut. So first day of summer before HS after a few weeks of constant nagging I told her I would get a haircut. She even gave me $20 and told me to go to a nice place to get it cut. I went straight to the Cuban Barbershop and got a my head shaved for 3 bucks and purchased 3 nicklebags, 2 slices, and fruit punch with the change. Needless to say my mom never harassed me about my hair again. My drill instructor sure did a few years later.

Nowadays I only get haircuts at lunchtime as I don’t want to waste real time with that nonsense. The Furor started harassing me (talk about full fucking circle) about a haircut few days ago. My company recently moved the offices closer to my home, but away from the salon in Miami with old lady who already knew me and didn’t yap away the entire haircut. The place I go to now is still fucking 20 questions every time and I haven’t found a steady haircut lady. At best, I was hoping to get this one lady as she has nice plastic boobs and cleavage to at least look at while she blabs away.

I get there and the teenage girl at the counter wasn’t too happy that I interrupted her cell phone conversation and I notice Tits is busy. In 5 minutes I get called by a chubby older Nicaraguan lady, “could this be my quiet steady?”, I wonder. After some brief instructions by me, it was non-stop chattering. This lady could now write my biography. Fucking Geraldo couldn’t have pried more information from me. My head was spinning by the end of the haircut. It was in Spanish (which I speak) so it just made it more “radio bemba”-like.

Now for next time who knows what to do, could Nica Lady quiet down since she knows me? Should I just stick to Tits and put up with her blabbing for the view? It could take years of experimentation and posting. Haircuts suck balls and I am the Robotman.