Hooking up with Erin Andrews

So the other morning as I left my house for work, Erin Andrews(you know, the reporter chick from ESPN that covers lots of college sports), pulled up and asked me if I would help her research a special report on College Tailgating. She then asked if I would be available for some candle light dinner afterwards.....

wait.....that wasn't exactly how my morning went, let me adjust it slightly:

So this morning I need to wake up at 7:15am, but my wife would like the alarm set for 6:30 as she would like to get to work earlier than normal. Fine. I set the alarm for 6:30, at 7:15 I get out of bed as I have been hitting the snooze since 6:30 for my wife who is still in bed----the final precious 45 minutes of sleep were ruined.

Shower time: all is normal as I get out of the shower to dry myself. Then it happens......the urge to take a massive shit takes over my body. While I know that taking a dump can be quite the relief, there are few things I hate more than taking a shit immediately after a shower. Fuck! And I knew it wasn't a 'healthy shit' if you know what I mean--I knew this shit was gonna come out at speeds that would rival a Nolan Ryan fastball. I obviously could not fight it, so on to the bowl I sat.

So I get my 10 month old son together, drop him off at the in-laws, and head out to work. While driving to work my wife calls me with no real purpose(she may have mentioned that she was in traffic, I can't really remember right now). Then it happened. Flashing lights behind me, a fucking cop is pulling me over. I quickly hang up the phone and get my paperwork ready before the cop gets to my window. The cop says to me, "Do you know why I am pulling you over? Speaking on a cell phone is a primary offense in New Jersey." He never gave me a chance to answer his initial question. Why fucking ask me if I knew I knew why he was pulling me over, if you are going to not let me answer, dickhead. I hand him my paperwork and he goes to his car to write me up a ticket, not for a second did I think he was gonna give me a break. He comes back, explains how I can mail in the fine and he goes on his merry way. Not a single word from me in the entire process. So at least I can get pissed at my wife for calling me right? Wrong again. She has mentioned to me to get in the habit of using my cell's speakerphone--so I can't even unleash on her as she will have the ammo to strike back.

I get to work and I want to quickly get on my pc to find out how much the ticket will be. One of my co-workers has switched my pc's wallpaper to this, the fucking guy thinks he is a comedian. There he was trying to goof on my Cuban background......but I did find it funny. So at least I had a smile on my face when I found out the ticket would be for a whopping $133!

Then at work shit went horrible....but let's just say I should have gone to help research the College Tailgating Report.