Elvis has left the building!!

Sacopapa reporting for duty. I hate to say this, but once again, I had a horrible fucking week with my father in law. If only he could have been 20 years younger, I would of scraped his old ass all over the side walk. Not sure if you know this, but old people have a hard time shitting. They get constipated by eating one fucking banana. This Nigga decides to eat at least 6 to 7 bananas a day. Are you fucking for kidding me?

Sacopapa Junior has been asking me everyday, “Daddy, where are all the bananas?” I of course don’t pay attention to it as I’m trying to do work and take care of my daughter. We’ll just call her Mojonsita, since she’s a little shit and acts just like her mom. Anyway, I went to the store and bought more. By the 3rd day, I’m like, “what the fuck, where are all the bananas going?” I bust this Nigga taking up to 3 bananas into my son’s room. I had to do it, and so I did, I asked him, “Why are you eating so many bananas?” His response, which I should of dropped kick him in the balls was, “Because I need all the potassium I can get.” My brain started to turn like a Hamster on a wheel and tried to remember if I had seen him or smelled him shitting in our kid’s bathroom. Nope, he has not!!!

I have heard of the poop of death and I started to panic. Anyway, the day was over and we all went to bed. The next day was dooms day! He started the morning by having 4 cups of coffee, egg whites, 2 pieces of toast and Exlax! I knew exactly what he was up to. I calmly had my breakfast and watch him in a mortified way, like I was 13 and was watching the Exorcist. He finished all his heart attack food and sat in the living room. Took nothing but 10 minutes for him to get up and go to the bathroom.

After 20 minutes he came out and asked me for a butter knife. I got up and asked him, “Why do you need a butter knife?” His fucking response was, “It’s to cut this bad boy up and flush him down!” I fucking looked by mistake into the toilet and immediately threw up in my mouth. Not enough to projectile, but enough to taste the gag in my mouth. This was the perfect time for me to say out loud, “HOLYSHIT, did that come out of your ass?!!!” He starred at me and was like, “Don’t worry; you’ll go through it too.” I’ll go threw it too?! What!!! I looked at him and said “you must be fucking high, how about quit eating all my bananas and quit shitting like a fucking gorilla!” He shook his head and still had the audacity to ask me for the fucking butter knife. I lost it on him. How dare you use my eating utensil to cut your shit apart, what kind of a fucking man are you? By now, I’m thinking, how the fuck is that “bad boy” going to be flushed down. The thing looked like a fucking midget leg.

Fuck me, Sacopapa to the rescue. I took his ass to the side of the garage, cut down a piece of branch and gave it to him. I told him to cut his shit up and try flushing it. He did and oops, the inedible happened. The toilet over flowed! This is when you become religious and start questioning god. Why me god? I could have sworn I heard a small whisper in my ear, “because you’re Sacopapa”. So I got a respirator mask placed over my grill, picked up the plunger and went to town. Damn that had to be the worst shit I have ever done in my life. I was so freaked out from all of this, that I called Queen Sheba and cursed her out for being his daughter.

We finally took him to his animal kingdom where he can do whatever the fuck he likes. He can use his own utensils to cut his own shit up. Not in my house, no way, no how and not in this lifetime. Old people are gross; I will be the old guy to blow out my brains if I ever have to use a butter knife to cut my own shit. I have come to the conclusion that I’m a germ o phobic, so I’ll leave you with a little George Carlin with regards to germs.




Sacopapa out!!