Stupid Bowl

So I’m putting together a Superbowl Pool this week, which in any normal office you could fill out fairly quickly. Not in this office. Compared to normal people I know I’d say I have average sports knowledge, but compared to the drones in my office I’m fucking Mike Lupica.There is even a Brazilian guy who works in my office that is not into soccer. That’s like a gorilla that doesn’t like bananas. The office is a sports black hole.

There is one guy who is a baseball fan and he ruins it by liking the Red Sox and another guy who likes to gamble on anything. Now apart from having to catch people when they are not in meetings to participate in the pool, I have to explain how the fucking thing works to everybody. Why do I do this? Red Sox boy and gambler had been begging me when I was out to lunch with them a few days ago and agreeing was the only way I could change the topic.

I whip the pool together on excel in a flash. With help from Bill Buckner and Pete Rose, we recruit people and are filling out a good portion of the grid. I carefully avoid bible thumpers and idiots. Bill and Pete aren’t so careful, before I can stop them I see them talking to the wire transfer lady. Not a bad person and does her job fine, but just an old school cackling hen.

I come over and it’s 20 questions. Mind you, I prepared a sample sheet and printed instructions so my two co-workers don’t get in to trouble. I explain to her that it doesn’t matter what teams wins, and that yes Pittsburg is quite cold this time of year, but the game is in Tampa. No, the Dolphins aren’t playing I tell her. A finance guy walks by and helps out explaining the grid. She talks very loud and this has become a 15 minute ordeal and we are supposed to be working. After all that shit, I’m like, “ok, pick your block, five bucks”. She looks at me right in the eyes and says, “Ah, nah, I don’t want to.”

Like a fucking kick in the balls. I should have slapped her in the face on principal alone. Once again I’m Charlie Brown and Lucy is a fucking fifty-five year old hag. Fuck me.

I did have a good lunch as Bill and Pete treated me to Chili’s to laugh about that shit. I am the Robotman.